Have you ever been to therapy or do you have a therapist right now? Have you ever heard of CBT? (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) I ask as it sounds like you've got a lot of negative thoughts running around in your head that aren't true, and these negative thoughts are bringing down your self esteem and confidence. I think CBT could help you to combat these thoughts and feel better about yourself. If you don't have access to therapy, then I recommend CBT for Dummies. It is such a great book, and you can get a workbook and journal to go with it. If you can't afford to buy it, many local libraries carry these titles as well.

CBT has been so helpful in my healing journey because it helped me to change all of those negative thoughts I had running around in my head. I have a lot more confidence now.