Quote:
Originally Posted by ToeJam
This is most likely the depression speaking, but I actually felt so bad when things started to fall into place for me (my GP had been able to refer me to a psychiatrist due to meeting criteria... all this was of course a few weeks before it went to hell)... literally because I could not fight as hard as you have done and was spiralling... and yet you were still stuck in that horrible loop... I felt guilty and was not surprised that you had not posted in my subsequent threads.
All of the above of course feeds into the self hate a lot of us go through... but I want to say here and now that I admire you for your strength... and I hope (truly hope) that something clicks into place for you (and others) without having to experience the horrendous spiral that landed me in hospital... I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
|
Thanks TJ, but please don't feel guilty about getting the help you need, it is wrong that you had to experience what you did, it is wrong that I'm still stuck, but none of it is about us personally, it is about a system that is broken and that no one has a strong enough desire to fix.
BTW, I'm not sure I have strength, I'm just oppositional so I do the opposite of what I want to spite myself. I want to give in and SI, so to prolong the misery I refuse. As a strategy for staying safe it stinks. You deserve a better strategy than I can offer, not having the answers is what kept me quiet in this thread. I admire your openness in telling it warts and all.
Hope tomorrow is better for you than today has been.
