You need to talk to someone. Do you have a therapist? It sounds like you and your husband could benefit from some marriage counseling.
If you feel as though you cannot cope call 1800 suicide. It is a national hotline and they do help!!

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee