Hey all,

My name is Grace.

About a couple of weeks ago, I got a panic attack during sports class. On top of that, I had overwhelming negative thoughts. In the end, I was in tears. ( I didn't breathe in and out heavily while crying...because I already can't breathe. I just felt that my tears were slipping from the corner of my eyes.) My class and the other class were having sports lesson simultaneously, so it was embrassing for me...Nobody knew that I have frequent panic attacks before.

My class was really concerned and they asked me if I'm okay...etc.

In the following week, which means just last week, I went for the same class again...and was still feeling embrassed from what happened the previous week. Thankfully, last week's class went fine. But what really made me mad was after that class, I was walking and there was this group of 4 girls from the other class(in the same sports class I was in) were walking behind me. The first one said something about being sad and then being happy. That's when I first suspected that they were gossipping about me. The second girl said 'Maybe she's changing.' I was curious and I turned my head around and when towards the front again, the girls laughed and of them said 'I got you. I got you.'

But here comes the dilema...

My class and the same other class are going to have a combined class chalet soon. A part of me wanted to go for it, because I think my own classmates are nice people and I really wanna join the fun...but because of what happened previously this semester(Apparently, the other time, I got called an emo fellow by someone from the other class, after my self-harm cuts were exposed, during some sports activity), I didn't really want to go...because I'm afraid of what they are thinking of me now..... In the past, I don't care about what others think of me. I understand that it's not important...but sometime this year, I can't seem to not care about what others think of me.

I'm stuck...