I'm depressed and very emotional. When I get in my "low" I constantly think "why me" and can never see the light at the end of the tunnel. After going through a few weeks of hypomania and feeling pretty good, I guess I was teased with the fact that maybe my medication had started to kick in. But here I am, no motivation to even shower or eat, and yet I still have to put on my fake smile and go to work every day. I'm so mentally exhausted and that only makes my depression worse.

Will this literally be my life forever? With proper medication and doses, will I still have these mood swings? I see people who have been on meds for years still talk about their mania and depression and it makes me think "What's the point?" Why should I even take meds if the end result will still be the same - me being as messed up mentally as I was in the beginning? I've been told there is no "cure" for bipolar but honestly I even doubt that there is treatment.

I have my first therapy appt next week which I hope will give me more insight to my new diagnosis but even that I feel will be a lost cause. I have no hope for the future. I just go through each day trying to fake it as best I can for my kids and husband. I feel like such a burden on everybody around me that I bottle it up and keep it inside which I know is not good. I hate that I am like this and feel like I just want to shut down.