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Originally Posted by _mom2boys_
I'm depressed and very emotional. When I get in my "low" I constantly think "why me" and can never see the light at the end of the tunnel. After going through a few weeks of hypomania and feeling pretty good, I guess I was teased with the fact that maybe my medication had started to kick in. But here I am, no motivation to even shower or eat, and yet I still have to put on my fake smile and go to work every day. I'm so mentally exhausted and that only makes my depression worse.
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I can relate -- only a few months ago I was in a serious depressive state. It does end...trust me...one day you will notice you are no longer depressed -- for it was like a switch was flipped and I wasn't depressed anymore...crazy I know.
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Originally Posted by _mom2boys_
Will this literally be my life forever? With proper medication and doses, will I still have these mood swings? I see people who have been on meds for years still talk about their mania and depression and it makes me think "What's the point?" Why should I even take meds if the end result will still be the same - me being as messed up mentally as I was in the beginning? I've been told there is no "cure" for bipolar but honestly I even doubt that there is treatment.
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I have been on Zoloft for a few months (since my major depressive episode) and gabapentin for about a year. I can say, that while I still have episode of hypomania which peek at a low true manic state, the meds have made me better able to handle and live through these....before meds when I would hit peek, I would be the most angry person in the world....at work, home, wherever...no one escaped my wrath or disdain. But the gaba has allowed me to get through these episodes without the anger I would normally feel -- maybe I need to adjust to a different drug to keep me from even peeking there, but I can say the drugs DO help....They aren't a magic bullet, just a tool to help you deal with stuff....
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Originally Posted by _mom2boys_
I have my first therapy appt next week which I hope will give me more insight to my new diagnosis but even that I feel will be a lost cause. I have no hope for the future. I just go through each day trying to fake it as best I can for my kids and husband. I feel like such a burden on everybody around me that I bottle it up and keep it inside which I know is not good. I hate that I am like this and feel like I just want to shut down.
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Therapy is good to work through things like life coaching....breaking out of old ways of thinking and re-organizing you outlook on things. In my case, I have nearly 40 years of crap build up as a means to deal with this issue when it was undiagnosed...which is as murdered my self-esteem, made me not trust in my emotions, made me bottle everything up inside, turn to drug and drink, etc etc...therapy is good to help you work through those issues.
Good Luck -- We're all pulling for you!
~angry1541