It is hard to think about being alone. Sometimes we allow ourselves to believe no one will ever love us again. I think from what i have been through, that its part of feeling the pain of low self esteem and self worthlessness. I can tell you that pushing past the shame of being bipolar and allowing myself to do better was the best thing I ever did. I had an internet relationship that was abusive and when I found the courage to let that go, I found my husband. He is my best friend, the love of my life, and the best man I could have ever hoped for. He has PTSD and its a rocky road but he understands me in ways that only he can. He supports me no matter what, he forgives me when I screw up, and he helps me up when I fail. No matter how many jobs I have had he tells me to keep going and that he is proud of me for holding on longer than the last one. He reminds me that I am worth it everyday and that I am stronger than this illness. You deserve a guy like that too. We all do. Have the love and faith in yourself to take the leap and make room for someone who can love you and support you the way you deserve. I am praying for you.