That is so much clearer.

I once did some pro bono design work for a homeless youth non profit. I was tasked with redesigning the fundraising booklet. Their existing one was a mess. The biggest problem was that it wasn't clear what they were asking for and why. The most help I gave them was clarity. If you donate X, a child will get Y. If you donate more, than the kid gets x plus Y and so on.

It was a lesson for me also, in how to best communicate one's needs. Clearly, succinctly and with an outcome in mind. I try to apply that to myself too, but I tend to get wordy!!

I think the one thing missing in the letter is to include the work you have done since ending things with pdoc--it may reassure him that you have made some changes.