Hi Jimmy, you already know where I'm coming from so I'll step out of this thread after just dropping you in another link.........
The muscles you wanted, something like...........(and just read from the top of the page!!):
T NATION | Top 5 Ugliest Bodybuilders
In my eyes at least, perhaps a good thing you didn't choose your features , including carrying on with the steroids it would have taken!!
And self esteem.........I'd say a lot of the time things aren't going to be "set in stone", it can sometimes be seriously hard to turn things around, it can take everything you've got, sometimes things don't completely go away, but reaching out like you are well that's a big step.
And considering it's some of the experiences you've had that have contributed a lot to it all, well maybe not that predetermined (?), and maybe things to work on/with there
OK, sorry I was only going to drop you a link!!

Alison