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Fuzzybear said:

(why is it so much harder to believe the good than the "bad".... or even the grey ...)

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Because it is our disease talking to us. Our disease wears many masks, and these masks can seem more real than actual reality. We see ourselves and the conditions of life through funhouse mirrors of ugliness, pain, hopelessness. Like the negative of a photo, our lives and our selves are seen as dark, murky images, only we don't recognize that these can be processed with different brain chemicals and then appear very differently.

These are ideas that learned here in this forum, from people like you, that probably saved my life . . .

Right now, I can write them, and writing their truth is I hope and pray imprinting these ideas in my brain so the chemicals start to change, because my feelings are about where yours are, Fuzzy.