So there was this girl, the girl I lost my virginity to 2.5 years ago. I haven't even seen or heard from her in 1.5 years, despite my efforts. I've slept with one other person since, but I didn't love her (though I did like her). It's sickening to think about how long this girl was actually in my life compared to how long I've lamented thinking about her. Regretting old decisions I made from literally over 2 years ago, thinking about how I could have changed things. I really loved this girl beyond belief, I really did- I haven't met anyone else like her. Me posting about her 1.5 years later is proof enough of that....

However, it's gone beyond rationale now. This girl is a hindrance in every sense of the word now- thoughts of her held me back, caused me immense depression, caused me pain beyond belief. And now I just want to forget. Forget this person ever existed and MOVE ON. Move on to bigger and better things, I deserve to move on and find happiness now!!

A lot of the problem is unemployment, and typical quarter life crisis stuff that supplement what's going on, and perhaps blocked me emotionally from meeting new people. But that doesn't change the facts- I'm sick of this girl entering my thoughts and impeding my life. I've never dealt with anything else like this- it feels like I'm being haunted.

Being lovesick is literally a sickness. It has held me back both physically and mentally in my life. And I'm tired of this person invading my mind. :/ I deserve better than this....I want to be cleansed and happy.