Sorry I haven't been around, guys. I missed you all!

Update: I've been driving every day, and I'm starting to get comfortable, though it is still scary. Today, I saw in my rearview mirror a car spin around in the middle of the intersection and then drive down the road the wrong way. I'm not sure if that actually happened or if it was a hallucination, but it was pretty scary. He was only a few car lengths behind me; if he was drunk or something he could have hit me...

I saw my (original) pdoc today. We have a plan. I'm going to continue taking zyprexa and prozac while I start lamictal, until I get up to 200 mg on the lamictal. Then I'm going to go off of the zyprexa, cut the prozac, and add risperdal. If I get depressed, we'll add wellbutrin. I hope it works out. I tried lamictal once before and got some mouth sores, which my pdoc thought might have been related the dread Stevens-Johnsons rash. Thankfully, he is letting me try it again. I've heard great things about it.

I've been feeling really motivated lately to make positive changes in my life. I'm cleaning out my room and finding stuff I did in high school-projects with grades, old poems, bits and pieces of how my life was. I was so successful academically once, and then depression took it all away. It makes me angry, and it makes me want to study more so that I do well in grad school and when I retake the MCAT. I'm not stupid or worthless; I was just sick. And now I have to fight for that scared 18 year old girl who suddenly could no longer hold her A average, who felt like her brain was rotting. I have to fight for her and make it right, as right as it can be given that I can't go back into the past.