The black hole is simply that, b.l.a.c.k. There are no flowers, no pretty colors. It is dull. Sometimes the red from a cut can help and sometimes it makes it worse.
Three new ones tonight.
Wanted much worse. It sucks to have been doing so well emotionally, feeling motivated, and good, then in the matter of two hours be sucked so far down the black hole that it seems like there is no way out.
I've even considered calling the cops and reporting my dad because I know he won't go to jail (no hard proof of what he did to me), so in his rage of finding out I told, maybe he'd come shut me up for good, like he tried to Christmas Eve, when I was 16, but this time there wouldn't be anybody to stop him. Let him take me out. Let him win. Right now I want to be done fighting. I'm tired. I want to disappear.
If I could afford a hospital, I'd check in, but I can't afford one, so I fight the battle alone.