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Originally Posted by Katz224
Problem is our relationship has been going severely downhill since the middle of high school when I was applying for college. ---- He'd get mad and say I wasn't concentrating or that I was being stupid. During one argument he even went so far as to say I didn't deserve to go to college.
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Hi Katz: Whew! that sounds like the way some (angry) parents treat their kids when teaching the kid to DRIVE a car! My dad was an IMPATIENT guy and I hated even being near him - especially if I needed his help!
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But it got worse in college. I would inevitably screw up on not planning my schedule with him or turning in housing forms later then he liked. But most of the time when we get into a fight it's over the stupidest stuff, like me giving him the wrong information or not making sense when I say something or making him "ask 20 questions" to get answers out of me.
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I wonder if he is having Caregiver Exhaustion (I made that up)? Maybe he need a Caregiver's support group.
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This doesn't happen all of the time but I guess a large argument might happen at least once every 2 months if not every month. I know I'm partly to blame for the conflict, but I also feel absolutely terrified and paranoid of screwing up and upsetting him. It's to the point that doing almost any kind of work makes me feel sick to do and that I avoid doing things because I'm afraid of getting in trouble.
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Something is seriously wrong there and, having to be afraid of one's parent, like I always was, will created Post Traumatic Stress condition in you - his defenseless victim.
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I also hide a lot more from him now I don't trust telling him. If I say I am sad about stuff he sympathizes at the time but then uses it against me in an argument saying I'm being self centered and thinking to much about my ego. Or I will say how I love a movie or tv show and he turns it around in an argument so that X show is the cause of me procrastinating or not doing my work. He may be right but it seems a little convenient to say one thing caused me to procrastinate and anyways now I feel like I have to hide any interests that aren't purely academic or that I know he'll approve of.
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OMG, he seems SADISTIC to me! He either has deep, painful and unhealed issues inside of him that he lets out on you or he has some kind of "disorder" (to be kind about it). Does your mother ever defend you from him?
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To give you all some more background, my mom has ADHD and depression and my dad has a lot of health issues like diabetes and insomnia that makes it so he is sick and feels unwell a lot. When he argues with someone it really screws him up big time, like screwing up his sleep schedule, giving him a bad cold for a month, and sometimes making him feel like he'll have a heart attack. Also my parents have fought a lot in the past but their relationship seems to be better recently.
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Well, any or all of that could cause him to be so sadistic with you but it's still no excuse, IMO.
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I love my dad a lot and get really upset when I hurt him (through arguments).
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I wonder if he is EVER upset when he huts you?
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He's actually my best friend when we're not fighting and says things praising me then.
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Ok, that seems better than the picture you painted of him at the beginning!
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I used to never actively fight back in arguments (I wasn't trying to argue and felt bad for messing up- he would still think I'm arguing though).
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LOL most parents will not put up with their subordinate kids expressing their opinions!
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But lately he keeps saying stuff like comparing me to my mom ( in a negative way) or saying I'm evil for hurting him, and that I don't care about him. This pushes me over the edge to where I really DO want to fight with him and I'll yell back. But of course he always wins because eventually I'm afraid of him being so mad and me not being able to move well. You just don't want to risk pushing people past a certain point.
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Yes, especially when you are their HELPLESS prisoner and they have some kind of SICK need to hurt you. My dad was the most dangerous, unpredictable and menacing person alive and I was DEATHLY afraid of him. He was SADISTIC! Does his wife EVER come to your defense???
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I always regret it when I do sometimes argue back ( on purpose) but I do it because I'm feeling more and more trapped and helpless. What he says to me (true or not I don't know ) hurts to hear and I don't know how to stop messing up.
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Even if you "mess up" I see no excuse for his abuse of you OR for his wife to FAIL to protect you from him. IMO, both of your parents are inadequate - to be kind about it!
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It's at the point that I feel less and less interested in academic things I think maybe because I'm afraid of failing and I'm worried he's right about me being stupid or crazy. I DO forget things really easily like names and dates and I also do mix up what I want to say a lot.
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He is BRAIN WASHING YOU about the "stupid & crazy" crap! He is TORTURING you because something is eating at his insides and he is venting it out on you - a defenseless target for his unhappiness PLUS you are getting NO help from the other adult in you home!
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Is there something wrong with me?
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I don't know but let's say there is - that is still NO EXCUSE for your sadistic dad and his spineless wife to TORTURE you this way!
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Do I have a mental problem like my mom?
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Do you honestly believe that a "mental problem" is an excuse for you mother to stand by an watch her SADISTIC husband TORTURE you?
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Or is my dad wrong in saying these things?
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I might be over-reacting to your story because of my own sadistic dad, but I believe he is BEYOND WRONG. However, if you are comfortable and happy with how he tortures you, so be it.
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I think he is trying to prepare me for dealing with all the problems I will need to in the adult world, but I'm worried that it's making it more hard for me to deal with things because the more he gives up on me in his arguments the more I feel less capable and just want to run away from problems.
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I'd leave those two pathetic idiots in a hear-beat
but it's your life so,
good luck,
jim
P.S. I spent a lot of time on this because it takes me right back to the horrible way my parents - the sadistic bully and his spineless, enabling wife - treated me as a defenseless, vulnerable child so I might have over done it. If I was offensive or out of line - please have someone remove my post!