Quote:
Originally Posted by Cicero2008
Conversely, she is sexually frustrated with me. She's said before that I'm "selfish". After a longer talk, however, she's admitted that no one turns her on like I do. It's just that I don't do a good enough job of satisfying during sex and after I've finished (as I normally do first). This is largely due to my inexperience.
|
Hi: I was never all that good at sex and so I finally learned a few things from books and then my best teacher was watching porn stars making love. I'd recommend porn as a fantastic teaching tool for limited guys like I used to be - especially Lesbian porn, if you want to learn what "things" get females off!
Quote:
|
There are various small things we do that bother each other--she's sensitive about her weight and her hair, I slurp my coffee, that sort of thing. But despite all these things (the little and the big), we agreed we want to marry each other.
|
IMO, small irritations can eventually wreck a relationship UNLESS the partners learn and use some good relationship skills to either change or tolerate each others peculiarities. My wedding vows say to love each other
for better or for worse and relationship skills teach us to either FIX our peculiarities or happily LIVE WITH them.
Quote:
|
Sunday, not even a week after I was gone, she got a tattoo. This is her first tattoo. We've talked before, and very recently, that I don't like tattoos. I don't and didn't want her to get one. However, I've freely admitted that it's not really my decision--it's her body, her time, her money (though her sister actually paid for this one). She wants to get at least two more, and they bother me more because of where they would be located and how big they would be.
|
Looks like your relationship is already DOOMED!
Quote:
|
If the relationship is to work, there are many things I would have to change. I would have to quit some bad habits, the slurping and the occasional nail-biting come to mind. I would have to be less selfish in the bedroom. I would have to finish learning the language of her country. I would likely have to relocate to her country--which would involve me possibly getting a new job, definitely getting a new car and house, and being thousands of miles from my family. I would likely have to change much of my wardrobe and/or learn how to iron (she doesn't like how my clothes get so wrinkled).
|
For me, the reason people fall in love and choose to be married or together forever is because they can find NO FAULTS with the other person and accepts that other person JUST AS THEY ARE - RIGHT NOW. If there is some agenda to change or fix the other person, they may as well move on and find someone they do love and accept JUST AS THEY ARE. You might succeed in changing or improving some of those things you mentioned BUT more and more faults and failings will be found as you both become less and less thrilled with each other - and the Honey Moon is over!.
Quote:
|
Overall, though, as I look ahead to the future, to all the changes that may come, I feel like I'm doing my best to put her needs before my own, but also don't really feel like she's doing the same.
|
That is Codependency and it will kill any relationship where one partner bends over backward and sacrifices them self to the exclusive needs and desires of the other partner. Look up Codependency on line or at this website.
Quote:
|
I do love her, and she says she loves me. I want this relationship to work, but I don't want to be walked on. What can I do to ease my reservations about the future of this relationship? What might I be able to do to better insure it lasts?
|
I'd google: relationship tips and get started learning how to make a relationship work. Both of you will have to study and USE the information you find on line, in books or from a counselor. Most people's relationships FAIL because they simply do not know how to make it work and were never taught how in their family!
good luck learning how to do sex well and make a relationship work,
jim
