Hi bixkf,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my reply.

He told me not too long ago that he's realized that he needs to give me time to wrap my head around the whole notion of marriage. And I respect and appreciate it.

To be honest, I've been very pleasantly surprised and touched that he's willing to give me so much time. At this point, we are trying to work things out. Yes you are right. He is hurt, and he has told me that he needs time to feel confident in my commitment to him. He once thought we were rock solid, and when i asked to end the rs, his whole world shattered. However he never once gave up on us. Even when i moved out (we stayed together for the last 3 yrs), he never threw away whatever remaining possessions i left. He said he's waiting for the chance when i would return. This is the first time I've ever had anyone "wait" for me and express so much belief and dedication to a relationship.

In all the rs I'd ever been with, once it's over, it's really over. Noone waits around for the other person hoping they'll come back.

I think what I had with him was real, and was good. I sometimes do regret shaking everything upside down, but I also think it's very much needed. Otherwise I'd have entered into a marriage with a lot of doubts and questions in my head.

We're now taking time to slowly find our groove back. I'm no longer staying with him 24/7, but I make the effort to stay over on weekends. We try to do things together on weekends, like how we used to. I travel a lot for work, so I'm usually not in my home country on the weekdays anyway; so not staying with him full time wouldn't have much of a difference.

I think i maybe able to come to terms with myself about giving up lesbian sex. I agree that sex is important, but i think i can compromise with good sex rather than constantly searching for great sex. He is a good sex partner. He makes the effort to ensure I'm pleasured in bed. He is, in fact, more sexually adventurous than me, which made me shy. I think he eventually realized I'm a little shy-er than he is.

I'm giving us time to work it out, to see if I'm able to accept him 100% for who he is, flaws and all. He's a very observant man, who's learnt to manage me by sheer observation and introspection. Unfortunately I'm not as observant. I tend to assume his actions based on "feeling" than "statistics". So I'm trying to do this now.

You have been very helpful just by sharing your experience. I never quite understood how guys can know someone is "the one" but you've demonstrated amazing commitment to your wife, and I applaud you for that.

Thanks so much for all your kind words