I feel like a hampster in a wheel. I can't seem to get any better because I hate that my house is always a disater, but I can't get anything done because I'm too tired to get up and clean it, and I'm too tired to clean it because its such a mess!! It makes me too angry when I do start, I go on yelling rants (just like dear old dad), and I'm soooo pissed that my house has turned into my mothers. . .

I actually took a shower this morning and had intentions on starting in the kitchen. Well, look where I'm at, I'm in the computer chair (which is actually a step up from the bed watching TV). . .

Sometimes I think my children would be better off with their father but I don't want that to happen. I don't talk to anyone outside of my house (except when I'm at school).

I can't get my kids to join in supporting the household. when I try to talk to them, it turn into 'it's not my fault', 'he/she did it'. . . For the past 2 months (really since I quit taking meds. . I guess), I've just thrown my hands up.

Why do I always ramble?

Am I alone in my messy ways? I'm feel so shameful of my house and even admitting to it here.

(1st family session @ the school Tuesday; there may be hope yet)