Right now my boyfriend has about 50 days of sobriety and is doing a lot of AA meetings—he is so wrapped up in himself he does not ask about me. When he does ask, he “listens” for about 2 seconds and then goes back to talking about AA or himself. I know right now his recovery needs to be the focus of his life, but we are drifting apart a little because all we ever talk about is him and AA. I don’t do AA and sometimes I feel left out…not to mention he is not involved in my therapy or life at all. Even though I “know” intellectually he is doing what is right, I still feel a little lonely. I can’t invalidate those feelings or deny them—they are there, no matter how selfish they may be…sometimes he chooses AA over me. The most important thing in both of our lives is that he stay sober and he needs to do whatever it takes to do that—I know there will eventually be time for me in his thoughts and life—I just need to be patient.

Another aspect of this is…well, I have over 15 moths of sobriety and I, at one point in time was involved in AA. I know a lot about the program and sobriety. The first couple weeks he asked a lot of questions. Now, he kinda acts like he is the expert. Even if I try to be a part of the conversation, he just ignores me or does not listen…I never act like I know better and I never say anything negative about AA. I just try to be a part of his life and he in some ways pushes me away. He is bound and determined to do this on his own. He has no sponsor and has made up his own version of the steps…I am glad he is finding what is working for him—I just wish I was a part of it. I know I am a part by just listening…but, I don’t know, I feel like he might as well be talking to the cat—she would be about as involved in the conversation as I am. It is hard for me to write this because it makes me feel real selfish—I should just be happy he is sober.