I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time and adjustment. That's a pretty major life change to have to endure. Don't feel bad about comparing yourself to those who have it worse: it's called downward social comparison, and it's actually a really great coping strategy for when you're feeling down. It actually does help one feel better about their current situation, and promotes acceptance of reality.

I agree with the above poster that building whatever kind of support network you can—even if it's only online for now—will only serve to help you. I've dealt with depression for over sixteen years now. Even though I haven't physically moved away from my friends (though my two closest friends who helped me most with my depression moved away), my depression has caused me to drift far, far away from friends I used to find comfort in, caring, supportive people... but to whom I never disclosed my problems. Now all reduced to friends on social media. My latest bout of depression has been a year and eight months now, and I have to *FORCE* myself to at least keep somewhat social, and then it's mostly two people. At the same time, I do miss the life I had before, and feel like I have no idea how to get it back.

I'm sorry to hear you saw a counselor and felt it did you no good. When I hear that, I think from personal experience that either the counselor wasn't good enough (had that before) or one wasn't giving full disclosure of events (done that before), either unconsciously or intentionally. I'm guilty of the latter... got mis-dx'd with borderline personality disorder because I went in for treatment for depression but failed to tell them that my then-boyfriend was physically and emotionally abusing me, which explained my symptoms of sudden mood changes and unstable emotional lability much better. I would say that treatment was not effective for me either, since it didn't get to my actual problem. So any therapy that doesn't get to your problem is useless, whether it's because the therapist sucks or you unintentionally left out important info.

On that note, that doesn't mean that one should give up on counseling as a whole after a lackluster experience. I gave up for years after seeing a psychiatrist with that abusive ex for couples counseling. After two sessions, she asked if we felt we were "ready to fly free." Really? We're telling you that fights have gotten physical and you think two sessions is sufficient help for either party? Quack.

After that, I didn't see another therapist until I had to, following developing chronic stress and then PTSD after a car accident. Brought up years of repressed traumas that I was completely unprepared for (abuse, neglect, assaults). This time, my therapist knew what the hell she was doing, and somehow got me through my most unbelievable depression to date, and all the dissociating and paralyzing fear from the PTSD. I would most definitely not be alive if not for the therapy I received from her, there's just no way I would have survived.

This was four years ago, and after successful treatment of my PTSD, I started seeing her again about a year later for the depression I'm currently dealing with. It was the worst since the PTSD, and I finally got convinced by a friend and professor to get on antidepressants. That was last year, and while I'm no longer suicidal, it's still there. Two weeks ago, found out that my depression has been so treatment resistant because I actually have bipolar disorder (neuropsychs say type I, pdoc and tdoc say type II, long story, I still am undecided myself).

Now I feel like the friends I have are going to be separated into two bins: those who know, and those who don't. There are only three people aside from my husband in the first bin, and everyone else is in the second. I'm afraid that those in the second bin are just going to fade away eventually. I realize that the friends that I drifted away from I actually pushed away because of my behavior, which now makes much more sense with the bipolar dx. With my current friends, I find it increasingly harder to relate to people who don't have to deal with depression. They just don't get it. More and more it feels like when I'm depressed, I have to pretend to be someone I'm not just to get by throughout the day.

I share all this to say that just because you have physical friends close by doesn't mean at all that the relationships are going to be what you need, when you need them. Sure, I've told three friends (two who are here, one in another state) about my recent dx, and they're supportive and understand the best they can. But nothing changes the fact that they do not have bipolar illness. Inherently, their understanding is limited.

I've discovered over the past two weeks that it's so important to be able to talk to other people who truly understand the feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideations, impulses, torment, anger, emptiness, and confusion of what you're going through. I've been finding such a comfort that I didn't know I could find through the people on here, and they've all been so supportive and welcoming.

So use this place as your outlet. You have nothing to hide because you're totally anonymous, and chances are, there's someone here who's felt almost the same as you, or in some cases EXACTLY the same as you, and just knowing that you're not alone really makes it easier to deal with. I've mostly been posting on the bipolar forum, but just recently started coming over here as I realize some of my issues are really coming from my major depression.

Be open to the idea of trying to find another therapist. Sometimes it takes a few times to find the right fit. Having someone's objective opinion in that safe therapeutic environment is so important during depression. Depression is a big fat liar, filling your head with these ideas that you're powerless against life. You CAN do something about your life, and every day is another chance to do something, even if some days it's just getting out of bed. A good therapist will keep reminding you of this when you find it hardest to believe.

Keep in touch with the friends you made in the city, even if it's online for now. You could even try calling some of them every now and then if you can, hearing a friend's voice can mean so much during hard times. Be honest with those you trust about how you're feeling; if that's the support system you've had for years, then use it! Time to lean on it!

You mention that your geographical living situation is likely to change within the next five years, so keep telling yourself that this is all temporary. Just think of each day being one step closer to a long term goal that you have. I know that it's hard when it's so far in the future, but you have to do your best to find the positive in your situation, even if you have to scrape it out and it's only a teeny bit.

Are there perhaps opportunities for potential friendships at work? I don't know how rural of an area you're in, but maybe you could try to take up some kind of new hobby or interest that would involve being around other people. A class at a community college or community school for adults in some subject you've always been interested in or something, the gym or other exercise classes. That might open opportunity to make new friends in the area. Or at the very least, just force yourself out around people as much as you can, even if it's just walking around the grocery store or mall for an hour. Being around people, even if you're not interacting with them, can help reduce feelings of loneliness.

I really wish you the best right now with your transition and coping with it. Just the fact you're aware of how you feel is a great sign, it means you still care, add that to the fact that you did something about it and joined this forum is another fantastic thing that you should feel good about! There's light at the end of your tunnel. You're surrounded by people who understand how you feel, so reach out whenever you need! I'm sure you'll find people who are willing to help you out as best they can, even if it's just to listen.