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Do you think that maybe the work you have been doing in therapy led your T to back off the idea of couples therapy?

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sister, yes, I think that may be it. I posted something similar to ECHOES a few posts back. In the last few weeks I have revealed a lot more to my T about my marriage, and I think some of that may have affected his position. At least that's my current thinking. Thanks for your support.

Perna, some of those questions you raise we are dealing with now. My T is a family therapist who meets with different family groupings as well as does individual psychotherapy. He does lots of couples work and has particular expertise in divorcing couples, but he also will help couples repair their marriages, if that is what they want. He is expert in working with different combinations of the same family, including individuals. This is very common among family therapists. I am aware of the pros and cons of doing family therapy and individual therapy with the same therapist. (I have a good Internet reference that lays it all out if anyone is interested.) You're right, I haven't told you guys the whole story and why it would be beneficial to do couples work in several contexts. T and I are brainstorming on what is best but we don't have all the answers yet. There are different reasons to bring my husband to therapy in different contexts each with a very different goal. For the first context, I have decided it is better to do it alone. That was what the disconnect/inconsistency was last session with T. He changed his mind on his participation in the first context. And as I wrote before, if he is lacking enthusiasm for the process, then it is senseless to proceed. In addition, this particular context was originally his idea and I always had reservations. A different therapist could not fill his role in this first context, so the choice is either him or no one, and I have chosen no one. For the second context, it could be T or another provider or maybe no one. He has identified another provider that would be suitable if that is what we decide. For the third context, it will definitely be the other provider, due to conflict of interest (according to both my lawyer and my T). I'm sorry to be so cryptic, but it would take a book to explain it all and also be more exposure than I think is wise. Yes, my husband will be a part of the decision making process. It takes two to tango. I am working on what to offer and propose to him. My lawyer is helping with strategizing as well as my T. I find it kind of strange you think my issues are non-problems, Perna. They are big and complicated to me and I am getting closer to being able to surmount them, but sometimes I do get overwhelmed. I know a lot of the people here talk about their feelings in therapy and the transference and such all the time, but I also have this very nuts-and-bolts/logistical component to my therapy that is very real and that I don't always like to engage with. Sure I'd like to spend all my time with T discussing dreams and attachment and such, but at some point you just have to deal with the nuts and bolts. Divorce is one of the most painful and life changing events a person will ever go through. I'm doing the best I can, which I am the first to acknowledge often seems pathetic in its slowness and functionality. But I'm still trying. I am glad for the empathy of my T.