I just emailed my pastor ( in a church of over 21,000 people) to inform him of my life story of the last 2 1/2 years since we last talked and how I finally had to accept that I had manic depression. I could just die of embarrassment now. Why did he need to know that? He doesn't know me from any one. Then I emailed my mentor and basically told her the same thing except I told her I was considering walking away from my faith and blah blah blah. The trouble is that is a couple of years ago I did the exact thing you are describing to her and sent her no less than 15 extremely emotional emails. She hasn't responded to this last email I sent 3 days ago so we'll see. This is all just the depression talking. Needless to say, I know how you are feeling and I'm sorry you are going through this.