K...I'm just gonna put this out there but I don't think you'll like it.

He loved you more than anything...you were perfect. He was perfect. You both were perfect together. And then he started acting 'weird'. Pushing you away, being mean, cutting you down, demeaning you to your face and to your friends. Devaluing you.

Classic narcissistic behaviour. For as long as he was getting that high from you, things were grand. But as soon as YOU started to want more (commitment) suddenly he wasn't in charge anymore and you appeared as weak, needy, clingy (emotionally). That's an instant turn off for a narc because you are suddenly NOT the perfect person he thought you were when he wanted you. And wanting and having are NOT the same thing for a narc.

My advice for what it's worth---if you can let him go, do so. If you find it difficult to do so...like you're addicted to him--you are because that's what a narc does and they're damn good at it. As soon as he started to devalue you, (you're not tall enough, quirky enough--whatever enough---and the classic of classic's--the passion is gone---well, it IS.....for him!!!! You became 'real', and were no longer the fantasy he'd created) the warning bells should have gone off.

I know from where I speak and went thru a version of what you're going thru with my ex...which is why I broke up with him. It's hard, and it hurts still ... but everyday gets better.

Just remember, once he devalue's you....you'll never be that valued supply again. You MIGHT be a 'secondary' if he does find that elusive 'tall quirky' chick. But you will never again be the primary.

I'm sorry. But it is, and he is, what it is.