I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have had the diagnosis for a year. However, my doc. is notorious for diagnosing bipolar disorder to almost everyone he sees. It's a diagnosis that's thrown around a lot with him.

The thing is, my "mania" is MOST of the time externally driven. If something good is going to happen, I'm reckless. Impulsive. Excited. Enthusiastic.

Something I'm consistent with BPD is I'm SO AFRAID of abandonment. I'll stay with a guy just so he wont leave, even if I don't like him. I've dragged relationships out for years after learning I don't like someone two or three months in.

I'm always hungry for new and exciting. I'm addicted to the highs I've felt.

People always say I have a time of day. I'm happiest in the mornings. Sometimes TOO happy. then by around 5 o clock I'm depressed, sad, hurt, scared.

I'm very guilty. All the time. I worry about what others think and how I affect them. I depend solely on one person. It's usually my sig. other.

I also obsess over things a lot. I think that's a symptom of my OCD though (I was diagnosed with that when I was a child)

Help me?? I'm so lost. I've ruined so many relationships, it hurts my school work, my job, I'm trapped in my own mind. I'm desperate for some kind of relief.