Honey ... He abused you over and over ..

Sad thing is these kinda of relationships happen all the time ..

I was in one .. never saw it coming it just happened and I made tons of excuses as to why he treated me like this or that.. The reality is we often just see what we want to. One day I just woke up so to speak and saw things as they really were and I ended the relationship that day.

I deserved better and knew it.. You deserve better and you know it.

Please get some therapy to help you work through all the emotions you are facing . Get away from him now .. refuse any and all contact from him ..