You have a right to be in the world, Johnny, as much as anything else. You dont earn that right. It comes with birth.

I felt only gladness when RW got out, but Ive made my peace about going home to Indiana to live on my grandparents farm, perhaps because I realised I was on my way out too. Not able to support myself in Boulder. Unwilling, hellbent against, living on welfare
n government housing. Scared of living without dignity and being misteated and abused. Om pretty sure the evil nurse would feel better about my suicide then the thought of me playing gentlewoman farmer on my own land somewhere. So im going to plant some late green beans.

I hate to think of you punishing yourself. You are everything you need to be. You are filling all the requirements. I dont know how to say it. I think the devil chasing you is just you.

Im still low dopamine. A Vietnam vet told me he was gassing up jeeps out in the open when a sniper shot at him. There was nowhere to run and he was tired, so he yelled at the sniper to knock it off. The sniper knocked it off. I pretty sure the sniper ducked his head and blushed for shame. And im pretty sure you dont have to run from the devil. I dont how else to say it now.

I hope you understand.