Oh, Teacake, thank you for, that - I know everything I wrote was a rehash, old news, reheated leftovers. Just me organizing my thoughts to get "the new guy" up to speed.

Are you really going to Indiana? I think a change of environs could be good for you. Where you are now you seem so alone - far from your son geographically, I feel, although I don't know really know for sure. It isn't great for you where you are, and I think being around nature is healing.

If it is going to royally piss off Nurse Ratched, I say plant a lot of beans. Kinda late where I am, but it would probably work in S. Indiana if the fall turns mild and late as predicted. I think I see you peacefully working in your garden in my mind - I hope it can come true.

You are right, the Devil is in my mind. He even has a place there, top center above my right ear. That is identifiable to me as a center of emotional pain - whether it is neurological or psychological, I now can "feel" areas in my head that correspond with emotions. I know that sounds crazy per se - maybe I am reading too much into this whole Brainspotting thing, but it feels real to me. It is something that I always did, I just never was aware of it. Now I am. Weird, huh?

I absolutely understand - I just have to accept. Make peace with it, and exorcise the creepy little dude out of my life and out of my brain.

OE, some of what you wrote was particularly interesting today, because it mirrored what he said in session - about trauma response, about reactions which seem wrong or unhealthy serving a purpose to ensure survival. He spoke about depression, asked me what it meant to me - I told him it was a very unhealthy period of imbalance resulting in various physical and emotional symptoms which can be debilitating. He said it can also be a way of slowing down, withdrawing, kind of hiding out for a while, that it can serve a survival purpose. I'm not explaining this well, but I know what he meant.