Hello again everyone. As of late my mind has been wondering about a special person in my life. I'm 17 as "most" of you know. And I want to point out I don't date much, hardly any I find Highschool style relations are full of lust , hardly any love, if any at all. I met this person after occasoinally conversating with her with a male friend who knew her. She's been dating the same guy since the beggining of her freshmen year(she and I are in are Junior(11th) grade year. She's 16 he's 23. Woah, now don't get to freaked she's EXTREMELY reponsible, she is so mature, and has said she'll wait for sex till marriage, she reminds me of myself in ways.(I wanted to clarify that beacuse some jump the gun and judge before knowing her or others). She overtime has grown to me to call her my best friend.

The reason im posting is because of my obsession with her. Its not beacuse she's a girl , I've had this happen with male friends, material things(games,computers,drums,etc). While I don't have full blown OCD I do have a tendency to squeeze the life out of the things I love, and slowly they fade.....take this as a example.

A book called "of mice and men" has a character who is mentally retarded(I think) in which he loves animals, the problem is he is a big guy when he pets them he accidently breaks there neck.....thats how I do wwith friendships...sometimes.

Last year when we met we talked alot at school, soon as always the year past and it was summer break. Next thing I knew school was out and I didnt get to speak to her. I found her number and called, I called several tims and she wasnt home.

Then I called and her family gave me her cell after she left it for them to give to me. We talked on and off all summer. I will point out that I asked if her boyfriend would mind, she asked he didnt seem too. The reason I called was because at that stage in my life NO ONE "friend" wise new of my depressioin, I wanted to tell her, for support.

I ended up telling her, but not the right way, I made it out that I had a obessive disorder, which I may slightly have but I also have a huge DEPRESSION problem that is the main focus. She was gravely supportive, and even called the day before school started.

This year we dont see each other much but talk alot on myspace, through messeging. I sometimes write to her, anyway a couple times(what I call my Bipolar episodes) I've went off, on a guilt trip , making her feel unwelcome, I quickly apologized. And she forgot it, but I haven't

There Isnt any "real" point in the post I just love her to death, as a friend, I wont deny I find her attrative but thats besides the point, I havent made a move on her, have I????

Oh god here goes my guilt trip I feel like some stupid moron for posting this.........I just wanted support....I sometimes feel she is a "pretend" friend. What I mean is , if it weren't for me would we even be friends? I always make the effort to talk, altho she smiles about it when I do..........anyway plz go easy on me....i know im a bad person,.