Hi,

so my Grandma is really sick and deteriorating fast. She's just gone into a nursing home and is now in hospital. She has pretty much given up on living and just wants to die already.

I have still not gone to visit her.. i don't think I am able to but still I feel really horrible and bad for not doing so. Does not seeing her make me a bad and horrible person?

Things just seem to be moving so fast. And we sold her house today it hadn't even 'officially' gone on the market! 7 years ago my Grandpa died and consequently my drinking got very out of hand. I keep trying to tell myself if I just ignore what everyone is telling me, not let myself acknowledge how close to the end she really is then maybe just maybe she won't die and this isn't really happening..

maybe, just maybe.. maybe..

I don't even know how I am feeling right now!

sorry for the pointless post, I just feel like I need to reach out to someone right now, someone that wont 'judge me'