Thanks, everyone. Many, many thank for the support and validation. I just can't fathom how many ridiculous things I said to this friend, how many messages I sent him, and how many ways I must have subsequently annoyed him with numerous apologies and explanations. I like this person a lot - He's so kind and is involved with my family through my son's extracurricular activities. (And no, it wasn't a sexual thing.) Our friendship had been developing and was so enjoyable - we see him at least once every week - and I had to go and ruin it. I know it's my illness and in this case I got triggered into an episode, but I feel guilty. Also, given that I told him later that I simply COULDN'T stop myself from sending the emails because I was sick, I worry that he'll lump me in with all the other psychiatrically ill people who couldn't help themselves from physically attacking/killing people. I don't have a violent bone in my body, and I hope that's obvious despite how irrational my thinking must have seemed in the emails, but do you think he might do that?