Lost Trust in Boyfriend’s Best Female Friend.

This will be long and I apologize in advance, I feel I must flush out some of the history first.

I have been living with my boyfriend for one year. Prior to that we were friends for 10 years but from afar. When I moved here to be with him, I had to deal with some pretty heavy issues concerning his baggage and past.

My boyfriend had an ex that wanted to try and rekindle the relationship, he got rid of her. Anther ex, who was his first love seemed upset he never mentioned me to her…and then she insisted on meeting me. I have become used to his first love and do not feel threatened by her any longer. He also had a good female friend from another country who stalked me online and became insistent that she, he and I chat on skype. After I broke off contact with her and asked her not to contact me due to making me feel uncomfortable, she did anyway some moths later and not in a kind way - My boyfriend does not deal with her any longer. My boyfriend also has a male friend who has been causing issues by speaking out of line to me privately and implying certain things to my boyfriend regarding my character. My boyfriend has confronted him, with his male friend stating that he will not apologize to me because of something that happened between my boyfriend and him years ago before my boyfriend and I were even a couple. My boyfriend will be ending that tie soon.

I feel very bad about all this and it has made me question if I should be in this relationship because I feel he has bad luck in the sort of people he surrounds himself with and that he has issues letting go of past relationships, even if they are bad. My boyfriend had never noticed that his pals were kind of crummy before but does now and also feels bad.

Last night something else happened. My boyfriend has a best female friend who is 20 years younger than him. He has known her ten years. I have always trusted her, always felt okay with her until last night. She became drunk and started to get emotional. He started a conversation in which her birthday came up, which he did not remember and she became hurt. It has been a long-standing joke between them that he always forgets. He told her that he put her birthday in his phone to which she replied, “My heart is not in your phone.” – she would not let it go for ten minutes, pouting and playing the victim, basically reacting with extreme emotion. So I cut a joke, said “At least your birthday is not the same day as his first love, who he still talks to.” While I admit it was knd of an odd statement from me, it was also a joke. His best friend tells me she wants to talk to me outside and pulls me aside to tell me I have nothing to worry about with my boyfriend. I was a tad offended. I replied it was a joke.

Before that though, there was a discussion about the intimacy of shaving eyebrows with her and me observing. The topic of allowing people to shave your face, and the question of would you allow it. She complimented him on his eyebrows, but it seemed as if she was flirting – not as if it were merely a compliment. It seemed almost personal for her – even my boyfriend thought it was off.

Another thing is during this time the topic of his mother came up again, as it did last time and he explained that she died in a casino. His best friend apparently did not know. His best friend went on to say how wonderful she is. (I have never met her) and my boyfriend replied something silly to which she said, “Hey, do not downplay my relationship with your mother.” She had only met my boyfriend’s mother once.

The whole thing seemed odd. Even my boyfriend thought so as well.

I feel I have lost trust in her, that she has feelings for him underneath the surface and I am angry. I no longer want to be in any uncomfortable situations because I have had a lot of bad things happen since coming here and enough is enough in my eyes. I do not feel his best female friend is honest in how she feels about him. I also know that in the future I will most likely feel uncomfortable at any gatherings that happen at her house. As it is when there, shared experiences come up often, almost too often and I feel very left out. I have explained this to my boyfriend but he tells me to just jump in. Kind of hard when I have not been there.

My boyfriend has made is clear a few times that even if I were not here and she professed feelings for him, it wouldn’t happen, that there are too many things about her he dislikes. That while he cares, she is not for him. It still bothers me though.

Any advice? Any thoughts? I am curious how anyone else would deal with it or how others feel about this, or they have had similar and if so how they dealt with it, positive and negative feedback from anybody welcome.

Thank you in advance.