I just wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself about the incident with your little one when you weren't your "sweetest". My little one is seven months and sometimes just hearing the cry alone is enough to raise a persons anxiety when that's something they deal with. You said that you even automatically " punished" yourself by slapping yourself in the face and then you cried.....you should remorse and felt guilt and pain for what you did....if you were just a bad parent you would have screamed at your kid at the top of your lungs and not cared. So you did the right thing...you started to losing your patience, realized it, and walked away...good job mama! I've been a cigarette smoker for 5 years now and I know I need to quit as well. I don't recommend Chantix (medication prescribed to people to quit smoking).... I know people who have taken it...one of the being my mom. She had the worst and most vivid nightmares she had ever had. Another friend of mind became suicidal. Just remember to take that deep breath and don't let your thoughts overwhelm you (I have that issue). Keep your chin up! :-)