John, I think you dont exorcise the devil so much as digest him. Absorb him. Like kali who Dispatched the demon by drinking his blood. I think the devil chasing behind you is your shadow. Jung write about and the Jungian Robert Johnson has some nice little books about it.

You seem to be a very cultured or enculturated and disciplined person. The brighter the light the bigger the shadow. Jung said there's gold in the shadow. I know I used to dream my ballet teacher alll in black came up behind me to.tell me, "i will help you". That's a shadow figure. Your devil is the devil, yes? I don't want to tell you the DEVIL is really your best friend, who only wants to teach you dance, but he is YOU. Maybe the desire to kill him before you meet him has something to do with the suicidal stuff?

I know once I decided to go home to indiana, I faced some unacceptable aspects of me, things my ego doesn't like or want to be part of me, but when o accepted them, suicide receded. Not completely. I thought about ER tonight. But...ots better.