I have made rants on here before, but this is a recurring theme in my life. I am stubborn, because I want to be treated as a human. To be expected handle responsibilities not treated as an imbecile or an immature child, because I'm not what they want me to be even when I didn't make any major mistakes.
I'm talking about, I feel like an alien, when I want to be in a committed open relationship. I want to spend love and time with this person and equally share it with others either physically or emotionally without angst or dramatic ********.

It's because I'm fed up being assumed as a cheater, when they don't know me and when I say one thing they expect me to cheat because of other people's behavior and this world I live in of relationship ********.

My reality revolves around closeting my feelings, when I date someone or when someone likes me. I open up emotionally, I am not trying to play games or their emotions, but immediately spontanaity of crap shows up from their end and I'm expected to take it "like a man". I'm expected to be this type of relationship, because everyone else does it and everyone is ignorant and fearful of the unknown. I'm tired, it's an internal issue I've had all my life, of me doing better than most people at certain things in life whether a subject I'm knowledgable in school or something at a job I do, but I'm singled out, because I don't look like this person or I'm not like what they want.

I thought relationships are about exploration of another person in all aspects good and bad, I did it with the past people accepted things as they are, but when it always came to me excluding the open relationships. Since I had a penis, or I didn't look like the guy they admire or I'm not their person they can put in a box for the perfect puzzle piece of their ideal guy. I'm assumed a loser something I cannot be manipulated, I don't like controlling people. I don't choose to control others, but girls I've dated try to control me for fear they will lose me on pretentions of things that haven't happened.

I haven't cheated once, I was open and honest, I see everywhere women be more understanding if you're open and honest, complete lie. I'm tired of this society I can't be myself, I have to be this person or that of a monogamous person they can spend their pleasure and can leave and exclude mine all together. Not saying it's all women, but it's what I've experienced all the time.

I realized I loved open relationships as an idea, because I can breathe and spend less time thinking about sex.. hold on let me finish. In the sense, that the other person has the same ability and rights to do what she pleases to meet common ground. I am easy to compromise with, but on this it's apart of me. I found this out a year ago. I felt like **** every time I dated someone. I never felt like I was in love felt more caged. It's not fair, that when I have the trust I got with someone. I didn't go out and hit on someone else, didn't talk to any other girls in any sexual way or pursue for an affair while dating, which is good for me, but did nothing, because when they find out me truly I have my own sexual kinks and quirks about me. I'm always sexually incompatible, but after that, they go out and have sex with someone or cheat on me and don't talk to me I mean after dating them for many many months or over a year or so.

It feels so scary, I never felt so vulnerable, I don't want to feel isolated. I don't want to date a million women even in an open relationship. I felt safe in a small group, when it came to emotional friendships. If I had it translate over to a romantic relationship and still have the love and friendship combined. I can commit settle easily. I'm not saying this on a false confidence it was deep in my heart I want it to be that way, because I'm scared of this cycle of before being cheated on because I'm different. I hated feeling like I can't walk the walk, because they assume I can't because others can't. I'm different for a reason and they knew it and they are afraid of losing me. I never wanted to lose them and I find it so infuriating not on being single, but being treated like a second class citizen in a relationship. I choose to be dominant now in my self confidence, and it's helped the quality somewhat with my friendships, but damn I hate being who I am. I know if I was a female, I can have what I want already with two boyfriends mutually, but even though it might be harder to find what I wanted in love like that emotionally committed, but I sure would get the hook ups which is not close to the real thing. I wouldn't care what people think of me, but I'm tired being the short end of the stick. I need to be in the middle and it's like girls in this generation are date me, marry me for me, or you get nothing.

I don't know and I'm tired of making this post and people on here take it out of context. I feel like I don't belong on this planet. I wish I could be a girl and appreciate myself. I'd love to take time on my appearance and look good for myself. I'm just not happy and very lonely not because I'm single, but the hope for having any kind of relationship that is any way mutually beneficial and not a settling for less is getting very very slim to almost impossible.

I have plenty of time, but I want to be around people who know me in that way and not be judgmental. It's hard to love yourself even though I do my best to accept me as me, when everyone else assumes something you're not.