DE thank you for your reply.

I do let her memories in. Most of the time they comfort me. Its just around certain dates .. I get really depressed and it seems like the only person I could talk to about what I am going thru is not there for me. Ijust feel so lost.. and I feel selfish for wanting her here. I would never wish the pain she had endured the last 9 months of her life back on her just so I could have her here.