Hello my fellow mood afflicted ones...

I have been stable for a while now. Controlling bi polar 2 or Cyclothymia, not sure which yet, with diet, sleep, exercise, meditation, and other life style approaches. I am not medicated. Was prescribed Lithium but wanted to explore other methods first as I do not suffer from bipolar I, so though things can become quite painful for me and the people around me, maybe it is manageable without meds.

Anyhow, I've been doing pretty good, but my wife and daughter left town for two weeks, thus eliminating my entire structure, and I am loosing it. I am in the arts and entertainment, I am a performer and curator etc... I work at night. I booked myself solid while they were gone, partially to keep busy and make money, and partially because I think that is something I enjoy until I am doing it and start feeling crazy. Additionally I have started drinking alcohol again, smoking, weed, no hard drugs - don't have a problem with those - But the drinking and smoking alone, combined with sleep deprivation and no structure, always out with tons of people, always entertaining, I can feel that I am lifting off. I can't get my mind in order, pace around my house endlessly just trying to do something simple like get dressed and remember to brush my teeth and grab my wallet and keys, I feel increasingly agitated, anxious, and am starting to have bad judgement about boundaries and money. Nothing catastrophic has happened yet, but I feel myself slipping away.

I am afraid of this hypomanic streak I am on, I am afraid of the anxiety, I am afraid of the depression that will surely come after.

Today is the first time I have had a respite since my wife and daughter left early in the morning on Tuesday, my house is a wreck because I had a giant industry party sort of thing over here and haven't been able to get to cleaning it yet. So I'm going to put on the news just to hear someone talk to me which makes me feel sane, and clean and clean and clean to try and come back down to earth.

I am not looking for answers and solutions, I'm not sure any will ever come. I really just want to hear that there are other people out there who understand what I am going through.

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds. I haven't been on in a while, but I was on a lot the last time I was really falling apart, and just really know that you guys are out there helped me so much.

OK, I'm here, and how are you guys doing?
MT