Dear Jane,

What you typed is the greatest part.

Any of us fear to be left alone in the dark. I was underfed as an adult, one summer, for lack of money, and it is terror like no other. I used to keep the fast of Ramadan and sleep through the predawn breakfast. Involuntary calorie deprivation is no joke. It's primal terror. It is even shaming to adults. But do you know even little children feel guilt ans shame because their needs are not.met? Adopted children feel like "bad babies". Can their be a "bad baby"? I've never met one. Trauma shames us, however unrealistically.

Don't do primal therapy. But do read about it. And YouTube search janov primal therapy. There are excellent speakers on early childhood trauma. There's a lot of bad theory still. Primal theory seems the most sensitive to babies. Alice miller stopped endorsing primal but once did. Read her.

Its no wonder you shake and sob and cry. We do what we needed to do then. So long as you aren't doing it at someone, ie trying to be a baby to get baby needs met now, its ok. It's not shameful. It's so human...its so normal...and natural.