So far it had been a pretty interesting weekend for me. I don't know if this is a depression issue for me or not, but it seemed like yesterday I felt like I got attention from total strangers that I never got before. I've really had a struggle with shyness with strangers. I feel that it's a very good reason why I am lonely and feel depressed with it. For an example; yesterday while getting my mail out of the community mail box, a young woman walking her dog said "hello" to me. I felt that she acted attracted or interested in me. But I didn't react very good. I got tongue-tied and felt bad about it afterwards. I tried consoling myself after that thinking that she was only trying to be nice and she may have been happily taken by someone. I didn't know her at all.

Today, after church, I met with my only friend that I have. He and I went to Starbucks at the college campus in the Student Union. It's opened to the public. While there, I got talking to him about how much I had blown it with relationships. That I had been too shy; along with meeting lots of women over the years who told me that they were taken when I acted interested in them. I felt very depressed after talking about it, but I was glad that I did. This has gone on in my life for practically 40 years! And I feel like it's gotten worse now that I'm much older. I would want a meaningful relationship, but I feel like it's over.

Being at the Student Union made me feel like I want to be that young again and start over. I feel like I am of that age, but I'm not! It was 40 years ago when I went to college. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like it's so much better in college now and for relationships than it was when I went.