VJ...I hear the pain in your words and I remember the days and nights I spent struggling with my reason to exist on this planet. I spent so many years fighting,,,every day and every night...the plus side is this....it does get better. There is life on the other side. Keep fighting and keep trying. When you find the medication, or therapy, or treatment that works for you...you will look back at that time with deep gratitude that you kept continuing on. My husband was absolutely horrible during my years of fighting. He never came to see me when I was hospitalized and wouldn't talk to me unless it was to tell him when to pick me up. What I didn't understand until much later was that it was very hard for him to watch someone who he loved so much go through all that I went through. Also that he feared every day he would come home and I would be gone forever leaving him with two young children to raise. You may try, on a day you are feeling a little stronger, to talk with him. I think he is coping the only way he knows how. From what my husband tells me, it is very hard to be the spouse of someone who struggles so much.

I will be happy to chat with you anytime you would need someone to listen.

Belle