For me, not showering reminds me of when I was in a really bad episode of bulimia and depression. I had to leave my job b/c I was too sick to work. I was taking a couple of classes non-matriculated at a nearby university, but that didn't take up too much time. Basically, if I wasn't sleeping or in class, I was binging and purging.

My life was a complete nightmare. I was living with a roommate at the time (a good friend) but I stopped spending time with him or any of my other friends. My room looked like a complete and utter disaster, and I gained a lot of weight very fast because I was binging so much. I had no energy because of the depression and the physical effects of the eating disorder, and I didn't want to deal with body image issues. For those reasons, I really didn't shower unless I was going to class and absolutely had to. This all happened about 6 years ago and only a few people know the extent of how bad it was.

Now, I am meticulous about my personal space and showering, even if I'm not having people over or have nowhere to go. Otherwise, it reminds me too much of that period of my life.

Creating a ritual for myself is something that I've worked on in therapy and is something that I've really come to love. Showering, getting into clean pjs, climbing into my cozy bed with fresh clean sheets and a warm comforter and cuddling with my puppy is a nightly ritual for me and it's very comforting. Showering has become part of the self-care package, AND it reminds me that I'm not in one of the darkest places that I've ever been in-that I've survived it and created a life for myself that is warm and cozy.