TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA



My reluctance sometimes has to do with depression (can't believe I didn't include that in the poll), but started in childhood. Neglectful parents never taught me about hygiene (I am still humiliated by being told I was filthy). Then my uncle used to force me to clean up after. I spent many showers in the fetal position crying after multiple rapes in college. Severe bulimia led to body image issues and I hated to treat my disgusting body well since it had brought me nothing but heartache. Then my ex-H started to video me showering to put on porn sites. Sometimes he'd corner me in the shower and force himself on me, saying it was my fault b/c I was "so hot." He thought every time I undressed it was an invitation for sex, though if I didn't shower, he thought since I was dirty anyway...

I'm trying to change my future. Guess it's one shower at a time.