I just had a very weird 'episode' of something this evening. It was a hard day anyway...home alone with my 2 kiddos. Made it out of bed around 9:30 already (luckily they were up & dad fed them before heading to work - they were watching Netflix). Laid on the couch from then until about 4:30 when I finally mustered up the motivation to make us all get dressed. Back on the couch until about 6:30 tonight when we finally went to the grocery store.

As we were leaving, I felt a little nauseous and like my abdomen was really heavy or something - like the muscles were constricting, maybe? On the way to the store, I noticed my hands were shaking a bit - my whole body felt shaky and fragile. Made it through the trip, but even the checker & bagger had a brief conversation with me about how my day was going and it seeming like my kids overwhelming me...I can't even remember the details of what they said. Back in the car, on the way home. Got into the garage, and started to feel like I was having a hard time breathing. Not like my lungs weren't working, but I was laboring to do it - like I had to think about it. Felt VERY overwhelmed like I wasn't even going to make it inside with the 2 bags of groceries I had.

Shaky, nauseous, tight chest, in tears for no reason, had to hold on to the counter for support, felt like I was going to break down while I was preparing dinner - made the kids take a bath so they weren't witnessing it. Had a lot of thoughts about what I should do - didn't think I was going to be able to put dinner together. Started worrying about whether I should go to the ER, but didn't feel like it was that bad yet. Realized I could get in a real bind since my husband couldn't come home from work for another hour...what would I do with the kids? Forced myself to work on dinner and focus on washing & trimming green beans by small handfuls, over and over. Could feel the sensations coming and going as I worked to focus on the task at hand.

I never had any thoughts related to it, though, other than the worry about all the physical sensations. I've never felt like this before, at least not without the intrusive anxious thoughts. Felt a little better after about 45 minutes or an hour, after I went in to get the kids and discovered my youngest had unrolled 2/3 a roll of toilet paper all over the bathroom floor. I lost it and ended up sobbing. It felt awful (both feeling like that and losing it in front of my kids), but I ended up a little calmer after - whether as a result of that or not.

What happened? Can you have the panic/anxiety attack without thoughts, just the physical manifestation? How do you deal with that/make it stop? I've learned how to stop the cycle of anxious/panicked thoughts, more or less, but this is a new one for me...