I can totally relate.

My moods are always sailing in one direction or the other. I am a rapid cycler it seems. I get stressed by something and I become entirely taken in by it, I think they call this brooding or ruminating. I become irritable and then spaced out and depersonalized, but few minutes can change all that, and then I am bouncing off the walls in a hypomanic frenzy. I talk a LOT and loud and skim over many loosely connected ideas to make simple points and am just in a free fall. This describes most days.

My wife hates it! I feel like she hates me, though I know she does not. But she doesn't like me when I am hypomanic, and I am hypomanic most of the time, and when I am spaced out, and she doesn't like that, and when I am depressed she resents me, she feels that I take up too much emotional space already. She has threatened to divorce me more times then I can remember which is so upsetting and destabilizing. Somehow I know she won't, but I know what you are feeling and going through and how hard it is.

Right now I am coming down off a week of hypomanic carrying on, insane busyness, sleep deprivation, etc... And I am wishing I was not this way.

I can say that I understand. I wish I had some cure or something to tell you about, but I don't, all I have is empathy, but it's all yours!

Hang in...
Soon...
MT