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Old Apr 23, 2007, 01:11 AM
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Maven Maven is offline
Pirate Goddess
 
Member Since: Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
I have male and female friends. And I really enjoy both. I don't think anyone sees me as a threat to their relationships, though, because I'm not "hot" or all that attractive (particularly because of my weight), and maybe if they did, they'd be more unaccepting of me. I have beliefs that many women would disagree with, but it's really how I feel. For example, I don't think it's wrong to tell a man, even if he's in a relationship, that he's good-looking, under certain circumstances. You shouldn't say it a lot, like you're trying to get with him, or flirtatiously, or in order to hurt your female friend. I think it's ok to say it during a conversation , like, "Well, you're a good-looking guy! I can see why Sally picked you!" but again, it shouldn't be done flirtatiously. I think it's better to say it in front of your friend, because if she finds out you say things like that to him behind his back, she might see it as you trying to get with him. I don't mean you just blurt it out, but if it makes sense within the topic of conversation, then I don't think it's wrong. Looking okay--touching not.

I also don't think it's wrong to date a friend's ex, if they are not considering getting back together or continue to have strong romantic feelings towards one another. A man who isn't right for your friend may be right for you, and vice versa, and as a friend, I would be okay with my friend dating my ex, if I feel he's treating her right. Of course, if the guy is abusive or something, I'd be the first one to warn my friend. But I'm talking about a friendly situation.

All this said, if your friend would really have a problem with these situations, then you have to decide which is more important to you. I wouldn't compliment my friend's husband that way (although, I feel, if you can compliment his work, especially if he helps you out in some way, why should complimenting his looks be any different, as long as you're not trying to steal him?) or date her ex if it would upset her, unless she wasn't a friend I wanted, anyway. Well, that still only really applies to the ex thing; I still wouldn't bother talking to her husband if he wasn't a friend, but only someone I hanged out with because I hanged out with her.

Zen, I agree that men (as a whole; there are exceptions, and the same goes for women) tend to be more efficient (at least in speech) and get to the point. I prefer that myself.
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Maven

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