Hubby and I are on vacation for two weeks and it's stressing me out so much . There is so much I need to process at the moment, I feel like just shutting myself up all day. I just want to be left alone. On top of that, my SI urges are skyrocketing and the dysphoria is too. I feel that when on my own, I can at least get away as androgynous, but with this straight, cis man by my side people don't bat an eye before they start mrs-ing me. It's so frustrating.

Yesterday I considered hrt for the first time. The thought terrifies me. H and I have been together for 14 years. I think he's accepting me as androgynous, but I don't think he would want to live with me if I started hrt. [emoji33] [emoji25]