Hello everyone,

I don't have anyone to really talk to in my life so I thought signing up for these forums would be a good way to get some support, seeing as you all go through similar issues with depression and anxiety.

Brief intro, I'm married, in a decent paying job with good benefits. The bad part is, I hate the job to the point it makes me physically ill each night and morning. I know that sounds childish probably but I will work myself up with so much anxiety that my chest will hurt for hours just because of the thought of going in to work. It doesn't get better when I go in, when I finally leave work it feels like I exhale after holding my breath all day.

One if my problems is that I don't feel I can leave this job. It pays for my insurance and my 4 medications (which ironically it pushed me into getting more of) and I'm frankly not skilled enough for anything else. I have a high school diploma but the jobs that pay well around here, or anywhere really need something more. I'm in my late 20s and I feel like my life is passing me by, like I really missed a lot of opportunities. I'm not blaming anyone, maybe depression.

I'm married to my wife who doesn't understand depression. She's tried. When I tell her I'm feeling down, she responds with a "You're always feeling down." And I'm beginning to feel that she thinks I'm using it as an excuse sometimes. I love her but sometimes it would be nice to talk to sometime about it, not necessarily just explain things, which is always what she needs, a detailed explanation if feelings, like a head cold. It's not always like that. Depression is complex. Sometimes I just want to not talk about it.

I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. My best friend moved away years ago and I haven't talked to him since. He was really the only guy that kept me sane and steered me through the bs in life. I'm now so vulnerable and an emotional wreck that I can easily be taken advantage of and abused emotionally.
I'm starting to feel that this may be happening.

I'm to the point I can't make a simple decision about dinner or go out in public without worrying about upsetting someone or having a panic attack. I don't know who to turn to at this point. It would be great to have a friend at this point. I have a lot going on in my life and I need someone to keep me in check.