Sorry I have not been on a while this week I have just not been myself, I have feel like I'm in this dark whole and I just cant get out how ever much I try. I just feel so blah so suicidal I just dont feel I can get out of this one at all, tomorrow I have group therapy wich I'm not looking forward to at all I'm starting to feel really anxious of the thought of them trying to get me to talk.

See larst Tuesday I went to group there was 3 Therapist and 3 students okay I know thats not a lot but it is for someone like me who has a big fear in talking, anyway the guy that runs it always trys to get me to talk he knows how hard I find he knows that my anxity gets alot worse but yet he carries on. See I'm a thinker and a worrier I cant help it and I know I get myself worked up before hand like how I'm feeling now, all the thoughts goes through my head like my brain just wont turn of from thinking I worry that if they make me talk my speech problems will come out because i'm just paniky.

Anyway larst week he keep tryng to get me to talk but I refused I never said one word the anxiety took over I started to feel angrey, I wanted to run out the room I just wanted him to shut up and not have the focaus on me. I wanted to cry so for the rest of the lesson my head was down I just couldnt think of what people where saying I just was in the moment of him asking me to talk and all these feelings I have, so basicly from then on I've just been on this down hill slop I dont know why I feel like this why I cant I get my mood up why do I feel they should lock me up away from the world because thats how I feel.

Anyway I will stop talking I'm just not at the right place at the moment sorry.