Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
I moved in the summer before my senior year of college in 2011. At first, she'd asked me if I wanted to find my own place or live with her to save money. I honestly didn't think I'd be living here this long and every time I bring it up or want to address moving out, she mentions my financial situation and 'being grateful for the help' so I can be debt free soon....I suppose I've gotten comfortable with living here.
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Isn't that how it always goes? When changes are made everyone gets too comfortable until the negatives start popping up and are painfully difficult to ignore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
I had plans to go abroad this year but had to put that on hold because she needs someone to help take care of her daughters and trusts me with them the most (not saying no one else can watch them - I just know the kids' schedules, mannerisms, etc). I was bummed at first, seeing that teaching abroad was one of my goals to jump start my teaching career but I am seeking out other opportunities. She will be healed by next February so the situation is only temporary.
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It's fine to be grateful for what she is doing for you but your problem is she doesn't respect you. She feels entitled to treat you the way she does because she is
so focused on what she is doing for you. Unfortunately it seems, to me, from your posts so far that you're very focused on all that she is doing for you also - so much to the point that you missed an opportunity to pursue your
life goal. That's pretty important. You even say that it was possible for someone else to watch her kids! As I mentioned, it's okay to be grateful but you have every right to be feeling as you do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
...but the things that bother me the most are:
- constant frustration (it seems she doesn't know how to manage stress)
- never knowing if I am doing something correctly - especially when it comes to things I ought to know by now ("ADULT" decisions). she needs things done perfectly or she just does it on her own
- comparing my life to hers. she is always telling me that I have an easy life because I don't have to deal with difficult family matters (money, bickering) or that I am lucky because I have minimal bills.
- high-strung or impatient
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I'm in a
similar situation and a lot of what you've said so far I can strongly identify with.
Strong emphasis on similar. I'll repeat, just because she is helping you out financially that is no reason for her to take out her frustrations on you because you deserve respect. You show her respect by even considering that what you say may upset her - to the point where your consideration is hurting you also.
It's good that you're recognizing that her behavior isn't fair to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
Maybe I am limiting myself because I am scared I won't be able to make it on my own since my job doesn't pay much but I feel I need my personal freedom.
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I'm glad you're able to see this also.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rukspc
I've tried this before with friends and it was easy because, of course, they are my friends who are like-minded and listen to what I have to say. I guess when it comes to my sister, I feel scared each and every time I want to say something that it just becomes a mess in my head before I have a chance to say how I actually feel. I am not good at communicating with her although I am trying. The one thing I always tell myself is "if you're not ready to face your fear now, when will you ever be?"
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That's why it's
so important that you speak to her. You've reached a point where you're tired of dealing with the situation and don't even feel comfortable confronting it. Is it easy? No. Of course not. Will it be a struggle? Yes. Most definitely and to get what you want you will have to keep on pushing against what is pushing you. I found this
article on the main site, maybe it will interest you. I'm currently working on being more vocal in mine and yes, it is a major headache, but I also feel it is more than worth it. I really hope that you're able to pursue your dreams and are successful in all you do next.
It's important to have your voice heard and to be respected as a person.