My voice is tolerable to me in real time but on tape, it's just

I have gotten feedback from many people regarding this and the general consensus seems to be negative. I have a really masculine, monotonous and whiny voice, which is a helluva bad combination when you're an 18-yr-old girl. My speech also tends to be jumbled and confusing and I use too many fillers.

If I ever heard someone who sounded like me, I would want to punch them in the face. Now I feel really bad for my T who has to listen to me complain about my screwed up life for hours in these dulcet tones...