Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37
I know you say that you think you had a good relationship with her early on, but was it really that good? Or did you idealize the relationship because it was the first time you had someone pay that kind of attention to you (perhaps your first time in long-term therapy)? Sometimes, when we get attention we aren't used to, we think the other person walks on water-- and we equate attention with love-- but that isn't necessarily the case.
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I'm not sure. I'd say it felt like love, but I don't really know what love between adults is. I only know the affection/fierce protection I feel for children.
My T used to say if I was younger she would have adopted me. It felt like love?
I used to think it WAS the note that changed things. But in going back over the sessions, she started shortening my sessions (I used to always get 60 minutes, and I had gotten to think that was normal) then one day she started cutting me off at 40 or 45 minutes with no explanation. But on June 26 (right before the note) she started changing the way she held me (usually just a blanket over the front of her body, separating us, then i would sit between her legs with my back to her and shed wrap her arms around me and hold me. But on june 26 she started putting huge couch pillows btwn us, saying it was so no ones body parts were violated (for me this ruined the "safety" of the holding, bc I only allowd it/enjoyed it BECAUSE it was nonsexual) and her saying that it felt like she put a sexual tint on things that I didnt feel, so I guessed she must have.
But I think perhaps a colleague told her it was wrong of her to hold me so closely, so she started using the pillow, which I hated so I put an abrupt stop to the holding altogether bc it made me feel dirty the way she used the pillows. The note came shortly thereafter and then the **** hit the fan.