W2F

If writing pays pitifully, then so does living on a disability pension. In fact, writing pays so little, I need not worry about losing my drug card, because I earned "too much".

Writing is my one chance at making it. I do not have the luxury of driving a cab or waiting on tables. I must live on the pittance that the government pays me to live off of.

My disability does matter to far too many people, namely the people who hire and fire. I must be overeducated for any job I take. I must prove that I am better than the other workers, to make up for my disability. Sad, but true.

The two simplest choices I have to make extra money are writing and taking a baseball hat in hand and begging in the street for spare change. Any other simple choices are illegal.

For me to get a job, I must constantly ask if I can get my wheelchair into that building and whether or not I can use the washroom. I must also be sure I am physically capable of doing the job; all without letting the employer know beforehand that I am disabled, because too often, they will not hire me. You only need look at me to figure out what the reason is 90% of the time. I must be far better than the other workers before they will even consider looking at my resume.

So things like joblessness really aren't in my control and neither is finding a spouse, because most men wouldn't take a second look at me, save as a sexual object.

Some people don't even think I am capable of living on my own outside an institution. They are shocked by the idea that disabled people can learn as the same classroom as "normal people" And they think "normal" means non-disabled. That's not true, look it up in the dictionary. But it hurts all the same.

In fact, I wonder if hurting is all I'll be able to do. Because most people seem willing to dish out the pain when they learn I am disabled. They may not think they are doing it, or that we are able to feel pain, but trust me, I am just as human as they are and just as able to feel pain.

I am just as able to feel love too, but I'll never get the chance to find that out for certain.

It makes a woman want to go out hunting for boats.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.